Baby Face hates Nymphs
by W0lf-Spirit
Summary: Did this a long time ago. I wanted to get a feel for BabyFace since he is an important role in Micky's past. I have a whole backstory for him and feel of his character, but no stories where he is the main character. I did do this though. It's complete crack.


**Title:** Baby Face hates Nymphs  
**Author:** Wolf  
**Rating:** PG-13 or somewhere around there...  
**Summary:** This was a prompt from my old friend, A. I had asked for a Baby Face prompt and said "nothing weird like naked nymphs" And she said _Also I'm just picturing Babyface standing in the woods going "...hrumph" while all the naked nymphs frolic oh-so-happily around him, giggling._ So I made it...  
**Warnings**: Well... light language... and nymph violence...  
**Genre**: Crack  
**Note: **As with all my Monkees fics this was made ages ago but I feel I want it archived in a better place.

* * *

Baby Face grumbled, trying to keep his temper at bay. This was all _very_ annoying and he was starting to get to the end of his rope. He took a moment to reflect on what had gotten him into this situation...

*Some Time Earlier*

"Tony, why the hell do you want to stash the body this far out?" Baby Face leaned his elbow on the car door, staring out at the blur of trees passing in the darkness. Vince was driving them down a very bumpy and dusty dirt road while Tony muttered about how it wasn't far enough out. Tony was being relatively paranoid after a near arrest of the gang and it was starting to piss Baby Face off. But as he sat in the back of the car, waiting impatiently to be able to go back to the hide out and rest after a long day... he wondered to himself why he even bothered coming along. The rest of the gang was fully capable of burying a body themselves. But then again... there was a lot of heat around them now, so Baby Face wanted to be sure the job got done right. He didn't fully trust the other members of his gang when it came to the important things.

After what was probably hours Vince finally pulled the car over at the side of the road. There were trees on both sides of the path but it didn't seem to be a pleasant enough area for many campers to come by and there didn't look like hikers came by much either.

Glad to finally be out of the stuffy car he stepped out and looked around. He couldn't deny that this was a fine area to do the job... but it was still a very uncomfortable car ride, which the gangster didn't much like. "Let's get this over with."

He turned and watched as Tony and Vince took the body out of the trunk then grabbed the two shovels as well. The victim had threatened Ruby's life and didn't even seem to have a reason. Unfortunately he didn't take into account Baby Faces temper... willingness to kill... or his skill with a gun. In the end it was more like target practice then saving Ruby's life.

Baby Face followed behind as Tony and Vince carried the body further into the woods. The crime lord kept an eye out for anything that may show a sign that a person could run across the body anytime soon. But there didn't seem to be any paths or signs of anything other then animals around. So when Tony and Vince found a good spot to put the body, Baby Face decided to go ahead a little further to make sure everything was clear there as well for a while.

He could still hear the sound of the shovels clicking pebbles and the occasional swear from Tony as the two others dug the hole when Baby Face's foot caught on something and he felt the world just flip out from under him.

The young mobster fell head over heels, carefully tucking his head closer to his body so it wouldn't hit a rock. Finally he came to a halt at the bottom of the hill. He could feel the anger level rising higher as he lay there sprawled on the ground for a moment.

He didn't waste a moment as he stood, brushing some leaves from his hair and placing his hat back on his head as he made sure his gun was still where it was supposed to be. Then he looked up to what he just fell from.

It was a hill... not terribly steep but not gently inclining either. All the loose dirt, rocks and other things would make it nearly impossible to get up at this point. He'd either have to walk along the base of the hill looking for a place he could go up or wait and hope to have Tony and Vince find him. But he doubted they would... Tony had taken over Baby Faces gang once before and didn't doubt he'd do it again.

So instead he kicked a rock hard then turned back around to see where he had fallen to.

He was near a small lake of very clear water with only a hint of blue in it. Even from the distance Baby Face was at he could see fish swimming around in it and even the rocky bottom. All around the area there were full leaved trees, colorful flowers and lush green grass, unlike the rest of the woods, which had dead leaves and weeds mostly littering the ground. Rather then enjoying it, though, Baby Face frowned, not liking the look of it all.

Suddenly he heard giggling. The mobster glanced around at there playing in the lake was an extremely beautiful nude woman. She looked about her twenties with thick brunette hair and lightly bronzed skin. She was probably the most beautiful person Baby Face had ever seen. Her giggles and laughter as she splashed was almost sing songy.

Another woman came out from behind some trees on the far side of the lake. This one was blonde but the skin just as fair. She wore a mostly sheer robe. It looked silky, like the water itself almost and had the delicate hues of rainbow in it. It billowed behind her like a flow of water as she sat near a rock by the lake, kicking water.

Most men would have thought this was heaven... but Baby Face was not captivated by their beauty. He frowned and glared around to see if any _other_ chicks came out of the woodwork... so to speak. He didn't like the idea of falling down some hill to a place were pretty chicks gathered for skinny dipping. He had work to attend to and the giggles were already starting to give him a headache.

The crime lord heard a noise behind him and spun, hand reaching for his gun out of instinct. When he saw it was just another chick he stopped himself from pulling the gun out. This woman had red hair, voice just like the giggles... sing songy and light. "My, My. You seem to have stumbled to our lake. You shouldn't be here."

Baby Face saw more woman, some with robes and some without, come form the trees. He was a bit curious where they were all coming from, but ignored it... it didn't matter. He focused on the red head. His gravely, dark voice a sharp contrast to the sing songy one of her. It showed just how NOT infatuated he was with her. "Well... as soon as I can find a place to climb outta here I'll be on my way."

The chick looked hurt, like she wasn't use to men resisting her charm. At that moment a blonde walked up. "Oh... Honey Dew... Let him stay for a while then we can let him go. We waste all the good men we get so quickly."

Honey Dew shook her head. "But Flower Tush... we can't let him stay and he can't leave. He's seen too much."

Flower Tush made a whinny voice... which was just as annoying as the giggles. "Oh come on Honey Dew... I don't want him to turn into a tree like the rest. How about... if his friends come to get him then he can go. Otherwise... he stays." The red head looked at her a moment, then nodded. "Fine."

Flower Tush squealed and turned, waving a black haired woman over. "Hey, Sweet Tits. We have a new man for a while!"

With that the lake area erupted with the sound of high-pitches, sing songy squeals. Baby Face's hands found their way to his temples because he was sure he had a migraine forming. His anger level was rising by the second but he was trying to keep it down since he usually didn't attack woman unless they were a great threat to him. He glanced back up at Honey Dew when the squeals died down. "What the hell are you anyway? I've never heard someone with a more annoying voice."

Honey Dew giggled apparently not phased by the insult. "Oh you have a potty mouth don't you? We're nymphs silly. The most beautiful creatures in the world." She poked him lightly on the shoulder... which quickly became a game as every nymph seemed to have an undying need to poke him.

* * *

And that's where Baby Face was now... naked nymphs running in circles around him with their annoying sing songy voices and giggles. Each one poking him whenever they got near him, occasionally brushing against him or 'accidentally' running into him... but mostly it was poking. By now Baby Face had a splitting headache and it was about to turn into migraine if this kept up. He was near the end of his breaking point.

All he had come here to do was make sure a body was buried efficiently, but now he was stuck here with a bunch of annoying chicks poking him and making his head feel like it was about to split open. He doubted Tony or Vince would even bother trying to find him, and even if they did they probably wouldn't be able to. So he was pretty sure he was doomed to stay here... though he wasn't sure which was worse at this point... death or this.

Finally, one of the nymphs poked him one to many times in the face and Baby Face finally let his anger loose.

The young crime lord ((for the record I nearly put Time Lord)) pulled out his gun from it's holster under his jacket. Blindly he turned to the closest nymph and fired, enjoying the satisfying feeling of the recoil. The noise was almost painfully loud and unwholesome compared to the surroundings but it didn't matter to Baby Face. If anything it made him feel better.

Before he even watched to see if he hit his target he turned to another nymph and pulled the trigger again. This time he did wait to see it hit his target and it was a little surprising. When the bullet tore it's way through the woman's chest it did not leave a bloody mess as Baby Face had expected. Instead of blood…. Was glitter. And once the body finally hit the ground and stopped moving, dead, she turned into a dead plant. He turned around to see the first one he shot and sure enough…. A dead plant surrounded by glitter.

Suddenly he felt another poke in his shoulder as a nymph clicked her lips at him. "You're so mean!" He didn't even think as he turned and shot her, then the nymph standing next to her as well. He had to turn his face away and take a step back as they also bleed glitter, it nearly exploding from them.

Finally the rest of the nymphs seemed to realize that he meant business. As if on cue they all started to run (prance) away (in circles) screaming high pitched annoying screams.

Despite a slight feeling of shooting a sitting duck he just couldn't take it anymore and shot at anything that moved. He was glad he had extra clips on him because relatively quickly he emptied his gun and had to reload. But as soon as he did he continued the mass nymph murdering, not even bothering to dodge glitter anymore since they _still_ seemed to have some undying need to poke and touch him.

He emptied every single bullet on him and, with only one nymph left, picked up a rock near his feet and lugged it at her with all his strength. It caught her in the head and, like the rest, she bleed glitter before turning into some dead plant.

Finally blessed silence surrounded him as he glared around, breathing heavily from his rampage and making sure there was no more.

* * *

Tony and Vince had just finished burying the body when Tony looked up and realized that Baby Face still had not gotten back. He turned to Vince, wiping some sweat from his brow, "Hey Vince, did you see Baby Face come back here?" The other gangster shook his head. Seconds later the sound of gunfire echoed through the trees. Both gangsters immediately took out their guns and followed the sound.

Once they got to where it was coming from the gunfire had ceased but Tony reckoned two or three clips had been emptied. He looked around then saw a steep decline. And at the bottom of that decline was Baby Face, hyperventilating, red faced, gun drawn… and covered in glitter.

He glanced to Vince, brow raised, before looking back down the hill to Baby Face. "Hey… Baby Face… need a hand?"

* * *

Baby Face's eyes shot up, gun aiming to the source of the sound. Luckily his gun was empty, otherwise he'd have shot Tony. He felt a small trickle of relief upon seeing Tony and Vince and not more nymphs. He nodded, knowing any words would come out in a yell.

Tony and Vince directed Baby Face to a spot where the hill wasn't as steep and helped him up (with great difficulty… because the crime lord snapped at whoever tried touching him. So they had to try to help Baby Face up without touching him at all.)

Once back up the hill Baby Face no longer looked like he'd kill anyone who looked at him… Just anyone who touched him. So Tony thought it safer to ask what had happened and why he was covered from head to toe in sparkling glitter (Mostly silvery but rainbow flecks were glittering as well). "Um… Baby Face… Why-?"

Baby Face cut him off with a vicious glare. He had to work hard to keep his voice steady and at a reasonable level. "It's none of your business. Never ask me again." It was quite clear that the unspoken threat was not a joke.

Without waiting for a reply he turned and stalked away from the two slightly confused gangsters. "I'm waiting in the car. Finish up!"

With that… he kept his secret to himself and never spoke of it again.


End file.
